oliviatamccue

There are fast months and there are slow months.  March is one of those that feel very slow. November feels fast; it provides the festive spirit with Thanksgiving for family and friends, Black Friday and Cyber Monday for shoppers.

I am never a jogger – I have done some strenuous hiking, but having both feet lifting off ground at the same time (aka the definition of running) without rest is insurmountable.   In high school, I barely finished running 400 meters and almost collapsed.   To jog a mile has been on my goal list for years, it is hard to comprehend why it is even difficult.  Recently, a health coach has recommended this C25K iPhone app – not C twenty five; it is “Couch to Five Kilometers”.  It is an eight-week training program to conquer 5 kilometers.   The first week starts with 5 min walk (warm-up), then repeat “1-minute run and 1.5-minute walk” with the last 5 min cool down, total 30 minutes of exercise, 3 days a week.   The 1-minute run is tough for me even jogging barely faster than walking.  I feel good enough at the end of the 30 minutes to have energy in the tank to do it the next time.  I am at the 7^th week; by 8th weeks, most likely I could not finish 5 kilometers in 30 minutes (aka 3.1 miles in half an hour); yet I conquer my jog-1-mile goal and know that I can jog for 22 minutes continuously, no matter how slow.   This is the furthest I have gone in this arena!

The more years I live in US, the more traditional the Thanksgiving celebration has become.   The best thing for the kids is a week of school break.  Their relaxation scheme is simple – computer and lots of, sleep, and a small bit of TV.  For a few years, we have salad, Turkey, Ham and Apple Pie with ice cream.   This year, goose is added to the menu.  Why is goose more expense than duck or chicken?  Goose has a much lower feed conversion ratio than other poultries.  Looking at the inches of oil on the oven plate, it is probably not the best food for our health.  Once in a year, who cares?

Thanksgiving shopping is a practice of financial damage – we think we get good deals; and often buy things that are not needed.   It is a relief to be back to work after the Holiday, to switch from spending mode to earning mode.  These days, the delivery folks no longer call to schedule delivery, they leave whatever-ordered just behind the backyard door.

The month concludes with checking out “things to do at the end of the year for tax planning and investment rebalancing”.

I live in a place where month of October always ends with Halloween trick-or-treat.  This type of certainty is reassuring.  Children give us a deeper appreciation of the Halloween festival – from the neighbor kindness in giving-away pumpkins, to creative costume design, to the actual evening, not to mention that it announces the arrival of November with Thanksgiving and December with Christmas.  These are things that bring warmth in the colder months of winter.

What can make a month long?  Well, it could be visiting families, could be kids’ examinations and could be presentation to executives at work; or simply chronic symptoms, fitness or household chores.  I got a dose of everything plus more.  It has been a testing time physically and mentally.  When it is over, it leaves with nice memories.

Visitor is a good motivator we put our house in good order.  Three family members coming from afar are memorable occasions – one on business trip, two on first leisure travel after their retirement.  Family gathering, at my age, is less about exotic sight-seeing, more about doing regular routines together.  Well, small city busy lives – they were surprised when I asked “would you be very surprised to see each other on the same flight from Hong Kong?”  They arrived on the same flight.  The once-in-a-decade government shutdown derails their once-in-a-decade US plan to tour the beautiful Yellow Stone National Park.  According to some survey, what the US citizens missed the most has been National Parks closure during the shutdown.  This, by itself, is telling, isn’t it?  Amidst the disappointment, they have been able to detour to an East Coast trip visiting New York, Boston, and Washington DC. 

Something takes up at least an hour or plus most evenings.  It is for the preparation of my son for the 7^th grade ABRSM piano examination. Tiring as it is, I truly appreciate how it pushes him to improve with hours of practice.   To provide feedback needs attention, I am amazed how a piano piece can sound so much better with skills.  It is rewarding that he feels the improvement himself and knows that the hard work pays off.  My daughter takes her very first and important SAT examination early October.  When the result is out, it is a pleasant surprise that her first trial has met both her and parents’ expectation.  The good news is she can be more relaxed with her future attempts.

At work, preparing for executive presentation is often not about the workload, more the stress associated with everything that we do the first time.  At the end, the presentation goes well.

I treasure the gatherings, the memories and the results in October, happier to say “Good-bye October”.

Since summer, an intermittent stomach pain has been with me.   It does not need invitation and comes at times it chose and often at inconvenient times when I am in the middle of something.

It is almost always that people’s reaction to stomach problem as “are you stressed?’  Some gives an assertive remark of “stressed”.  Even the doctor would ask “are you stressed?”   No matter how, the response would come back as “you get it, you may not know.”  After hearing this the nth time, the group opinion wins over, what else can I say?

First, the internal doctor (internal doctor is really not internal more like family doctor) advises me of over-the-counter pain treatment, with a limited diet.  A limited diet is not fun, and brings to laser focus the enjoyment of food in our everyday life.  There goes the daily coffee or milk tea; then goes the spicy food, then goes the fruit, then goes the vegetable, sashimi…  And as the pain does not subside, there remains banana, rice, saline crackers and just a bit more.  I want this uninvited guest to go away, but it chooses to stay.

After another round of doctor visit, I land on the Gastroenterology section – GI.  Having a GI to see you is a challenge to the body whether it can cure itself in time before the GI appointment.   Some GI specialist has a wait time in months, and some has a shorter one in weeks.  By demand and supply, what does a shorter wait mean?  I don’t want to know.  This case is not so very special; a shorter wait seems a better choice.   First visit results in various types of tests, and fortunately, nothing disastrous comes back.  Neither do they tell the root cause.  Next up is to see what is inside (endoscopy test).  The diagnosis is out with an ulcer – ulcer is like a cut in the stomach lining, the root cause is out.   Two weeks of medication have not covered it, another 6 weeks ahead.  The good thing about medication is that it creates a barrier for the pain to visit.

Am I stressed?  I am certain that the stomach problem and its impact on my food consumption have caused me stress.

World Trade Center ground zero is a place to visit in New York.

To revisit the 911 tragedy in perspective is almost harder. When it happened, the unthinkable happened, and the breaking news on TV was received with the overwhelming sentiment of disbelief. Ten years later, we knew how the attack was unfolded, we knew who did it; we knew how close, if not already, we were at war; we knew the casualty, and the families who lost someone forever.

When I was there last week, the re-construction was still in progress yet very impressive. The two pools were such a symbolic representation – the rim was inscribed with the names of the dead; with water flowing down the tall pool walls, yet the water disappears into a deep hole in the middle. What a visual way to demonstrate the void left behind the 911 tragedy!

And the sole tree that survived, being nurtured back to life, and moved back to the site.  The chronological recording of the day, on the wall of the gift shop, is touching and informative.   There is more to complete for the ground zero site, including a museum and the completion of two skyscrapers.

In this world-famous financial center and materialistic city of unparallel charm, may the ground zero be the constant reminder of what money cannot cure.

In life, there are decision making moments.

Do we listen to our heart or to our mind?

I have a situation that my heart and mind do not come together on a decision I need to make. As owner of both, it is a conflict to manage.

Heart is an interesting piece of art – if she feels neglected, she would be quiet and dumb; it becomes hard to find what she wants; yet, if I follow her often, she is controlling.

Mind is more rational and considers many factors in decision making.

In recent consideration about a job opportunity, my mind and heart do not agree.  My heart wants a free-spirited life with less stress and responsibilities.  My mind takes it as means of living, learning, taking risk, maybe practicing failure and making contribution.

Do we follow the heart or mind to live a happier life?

For those who live in the present, all the time and for many years at different stages of life, maybe it is happier and more fulfilling to go with the heart. There are tons of self-helping books about following our passion and our heart.

For most mortals, we live in the present; we also think about the future; and at times, we look back in the past. And we would like to have a decent retirement at a senior age.

To my heart, I am sorry this time I cannot follow you and I have not chosen the road less travelled.  I choose a rational decision for the present, and for the future.

To my heart and my mind, please keep your lively spirit for many more decisions to come.

A side effect of back to work –  less free time and inspiration is harder to catch.   A job grants $ and challenges;  yet takes away time and relaxation.

We all lose and gain something without realizing it.

In the teens, I had some tunes in my head almost all the time, and was excited about some new songs, new lyrics.   Those were the days without MP3, and with green monitor for the bulky computer.  Those were the days we listened to the radio and at times, waited for the favorite songs to play out.  And then remember the lyrics as quickly as one could.  Little did I know that was one of the best memory training; little did I know the influence of lyrics on my values.

Through the years, the music gradually disappears from my life.   It is not something that happens all out of sudden, but it is more like the time is being taken up by events, activities, computers, new endeavors.  No new music, lyrics or tunes for a while – well, there is still some – the piano pieces my kids practice daily.    I spend way more time on computer that do not need emotional engagement and concentration.

Is it something to mourn over?  I don’t know.  More a sentiment that I have moved on, and along the way, the music has been left behind.   Would I pick it back up again?  Very likely?